Posted in blogging on Dec 3rd, 2009
Our Daughter lost her 2 front teeth just in time for her to sing “All I want for Christmas” appropriately. A few months prior, we had 4 bottom teeth extracted so as to avoid visits to an Orange NJ invisalign in the future. Thank God that she has not experienced any feeling of shame because of her missing teeth. I’d like to believe that we have consistently demonstrated to her that she is pretty in our eyes with or with out the teeth.
I guess the security of a child really comes from the affirmation that his or her parents give. In a normal school setting, peer affirmation is significant because of the higher amount of time of peer exposure. A lot of times, there exists pressure to look and dress in a certain way. If not managed or balance, kids will grow up being subdued by the tyranny of the many. True liberty is achieved when youngsters have the moral freedom to stand on their convictions. Kids need to be trained to be their own person regardless of what others think.
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My kids were arguing with each other about some ridiculous nitpicky thing at breakfast today and it was getting out of hand. I sort of blew my fuse and put my foot down. I told them they had to write down 100 things to be grateful for and 100 things they were not happy about. Halfway into it, my son told me that one whole sheet of paper was not enough to fit all that. He had written the things he was grateful for on one side and on the other, the ones he was not.
I thought it was a perfect teachable moment for him to choose how to view life. We all have our daily struggles in life, the weight of which depends relatively on how we see them. This is not to say that our struggles are negligible and the pain is not valid. I would surmise to think that it depends on how you see the big picture.
At this point, I told my son that this was what I wanted him to know. I told him that he could view life either half-empty and look at all the bad things, or he could also look at life half-full, where life is full of possibilities and hope. Even before I could finish my point he said it was just like being Squidward. I said yes. By this time he had already written down so many things to be grateful for and the argument at breakfast was a thing of the past. He had gone off to play with his sister again. Intermittently, they come back hugging me, giving me little “I love you, mom” notes and scribbles seemingly content with their little lives.
How about you, which Bikini Bottom character are you? Sponge Bob, Squidward or Patrick?
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I don’t know if I’m alone in this thing but reminding my eldest son to brush his teeth is a daily tug-of-war. Although he does do it when I remind him to, he doesn’t do it well and now his teeth have a yellowish tint to it already. I inspect his teeth all the time to see if there are any food particles left near the gum and in his molars. His baby teeth have fallen out already more than a few months ago and he is sporting his “hammy look” with his two front teeth sticking out like Bugs Bunny. A regular checkup at the dentist’s office is certainly a must and I’m glad we don’t have to go all the way to a Plano Dentist in Texas just to do that. We found one in our church and the kids really like her and are not scared of her and that definitely is a good thing.
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Posted in opinion on Apr 4th, 2009
When I woke up this morning, I found my little girl all cuddled up beside me. A few minutes later she was exchanging arguments with her brother about a toy. I gave instructions to cease hostilities and to stop handling the contentious toy. My directives fell on deaf ears leading to my administration of discipline. This is mostly a form of isometric calistenics which serves a secondary purpose of developing their physique. (Makes me wonder when parents stop worrying about this and concern themselves with acne treatments.) After a post-discipline self-pity party, my daughter proceeds to the consumption of her breakfast. She engages me in a conversation during this meal. It wasn’t what she said that touched me but it was her eyes. A gaze at those innocent, trusting disks melts away any irritation, anxiety or anger I may have had previously. This little lady trusts me! She knows that whatever I do is for her good. Why can’t I be like her, most of the time, when it comes to my relationship with God? He has my best interest in mind but I only see the pain in my life. I guess it’s time for me to see his heart just as my daughter sees mine.
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Posted in opinion on Mar 16th, 2009
How do you deal with kids that are bored? Nowadays, most kids sit in front of the TV or play video games. In our home, you find the kids reading books or watching family or Christian videos. It was only lately that they learned to play video games. Their favorite is a game called bookworm which is a sophisticated word forming game. Another one they play is Zoo Empire, it teaches them to care for animals and manage customer satisfaction.
To choose the right games for your kids, ask yourself this questions:
1.) Is it appropriate for their age? Should your 9 year old be playing half life or counterstrike? Are they ready for blood, gore or sexual suggestion? (Street Fighter and Tekken are quite sexually suggestive)
2.) What values does the game promote? Is it in line with your spiritual beliefs? Do you really want your child to acquire the game’s worldview?
3.) Is there some educational value? A game like Civilization teaches the player how civilizations evolve.
4.) Does it develop analytical or improvisational capabilities? A game of chess, Command and Conquer or Harpoon are great examples. Have this questions handy the next time your child bugs you for a game.
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I had a wonderful mommy moment with my son tonight. He’s slowly growing up into a fine young man and I’m so happy to say that I’ve witnessed up to this very moment every step of his journey. I’ve been there from day one and will continue to be there until the homerun. I am not a perfect mom, I’ve had my bad hair days and my “alto soprano” moments and many times I question myself whether I “get in the way” of what God wants for my children. I used to think that I was a patient person, tolerant and not easy to anger - I thought too highly of myself and my journey as a mom for more than nine years has truly convinced me that I am not. :) But by the grace of God I have learned to move according to the measure of grace that He gives me in each and every circumstance.
Why was tonight special? Well, perhaps it’s because I was able to reach my son’s heart and help him to understand that life’s obstacles are not hindrances but God’s way of forging character and fortitude into our souls. I am reminded of a blacksmith pounding away at a red hot piece of metal on a heavy anvil and how each time the mallet hits the hot metal, it slowly transforms it into the shape that he envisioned the metal to be. I saw this in my son tonight - (btw, he’s only nine years old). God was the blacksmith, my son was the metal and I was the heavy mallet that became the dreaded instrument of torment, er I mean transformation.
At first, it was a struggle of the wills - him succumbing to self-pity and condemnation and I, the imperialistic queen dispensing the law upon him. But I am no queen… I am his mother and I saw that divine opportunity to speak into his life. To lift him up from where he was wallowing and impart destiny into his soul. What joy it was to see him step out of his self-centered world and into an awareness of the world around him where his greater destiny lies. It was a priceless moment. I don’t want to forget it - hence this post.
Sometimes the pain of discipline (not necessarily physical) can blur the lines of love and acceptance and distort it into separation and rejection. When that distortion happens, the one who delivers the discipline may be perceived as unloving and uncaring. I believe as a parent, one needs to address those doubts immediately and reassure the child that it is the behavior that is being corrected and not the person being rejected. What do you give a child who misbehaves? Give them a “sandwich”! Yup, a “sandwich”. You give them the “big fat juicy discipline” between two buns of praise and acceptance. A word of encouragement right before the correction and a word of acceptance right after the correction. A sandwich, right?
Well, my sandwiches aren’t perfect all the time but I try to arrest those “self-pity party” moments when I sense them rising up in my children. I always assure them that my love for them is unconditional and is never based on how “good” they are. That is not to say that they will not be corrected when they misbehave. But good or bad behavior is not the criterion for my love for them. I hope that when they grow older there will come a time that they will see that side of the picture as well.
I love them dearly and I thank God that they have made my life so much richer in every way imaginable. I will be forever grateful to God and to them for giving me a chance to know and experience the reality that children are indeed precious, priceless gifts from above.
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