a matter of teys.t

A co-worker of mine recently visited his Aunt who died. The lady was working in the middle east.  She was going home at past midnight when the vehicle she was riding had an accident.    According to my co-worker, the accident left her marred beyond recognition. It was quite sad to hear that she left behind young kids. Times like these make you want to check the latest life insurance quote to ensure those you leave behind have something.  Anyway, I urge everyone who reads this, to pray for the family of the victim. That they may be comforted, provided for and that they may know the grace of God at this time.

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in spite of all the overwhelming challenges that we continuously face. From the devastation caused by typhoons to the recent horrific events in Maguindanao… these may make it more difficult to be grateful but in the end we need to remember that what was meant for evil, God can always turn around for good. I was watching the news earlier and the candidate whose wife got killed in that incident said something about her being instrumental to the LIBERATION of his town…

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I used to work in the insurance industry many moons ago. I’ve worked for one of the oldest insurance companies in the country. I was also part of a a pioneering company in the pre-need industry dealing with pension plans, life plans, education plans etc. etc. You would think that coming from that industry, I would be a strong advocate of these products but up to this day I still don’t have an insurance plan or any other pre-need plan of my own. I even bought a few plans that I never finished paying because it simply didn’t fit the choreography of my schedules. I am not going to say that they are or are not important to those of us who have families whom we need to provide a secure financial future for. Whether or not we will get one we all need to know the importance of life insurance and how it will impact the future of our families. We all want to make sure that our loved ones will be secure once we go and this is what insurance plans or pre-need plans sell - the assurance that this personal concern will be addressed and taken care of when we are no longer able to do it ourselves. I have no problem with that actually. My only peeve about buying one is I don’t like overbearing insurance agents and the only time I gave in to getting one was because it was sold to me by a very very close friend whom I trust.

After reading this far, you’re probably thinking “So should I get one or not?” It’s like a chicken and egg thing, really. For us, health insurance is primary for now because that is the most expensive part of life, young or old. Hospital bills, medication, doctor’s fees, laboratory tests and what nots are what cause your life savings to dwindle to a few measly coins. If you can find a health plan that will cover all your major expenses, in case you get sick, then that would be a very good investment. Even if you save so much for your twilight years, the cost of getting sick is like a little matchstick that can burn your whole bank account to ashes. It’s a little bit morbid but getting sick and dying are two of the most lucrative businesses ever. There will always be sick people and everyone will eventually die. It IS a business. Like they say there are only two sure things, TAXES and DEATH.

Of course, there is also an insurance that provides you peace of mind no matter what sudden tragedy may happen to you. It is the insurance that assures you of a future that is unshakeable. 100% return on investment-guaranteed, full coverage against sickness, death, loss of property, theft, fire, flood, tsunami, earthquake and Acts of God. No expiration date, one-time payment. There is one thing though, it is non-transferable and good for one person at a time only. Here’s the best part though, it’s the best bargain of all time. You can have all those benefits for free if you follow the terms and conditions simply and clearly stipulated in John 3:16. No hidden agenda, no hidden fees, no need to worry about the fine print. And no pesky insurance agents hard selling on you. Think about it. In case you’ve seen it before but may have forgetten, here’s the stipulation again. Consider it, peeps. It’s the insurance bargain of a life time!

¹⁶“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,^[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Have a wonderful weekend!

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… and so it did. Typhoon “Pepeng” did move by the grace of God and I’m sure because a lot of people from all walks of life prayed and asked God to spare those who have suffered from Typhoon “Ondoy” another onslaught. I’m sure there were lots of people who fasted as well. (Yes, Virginia… Fastin‘ does wonders.) Of course, although Metro Manila and the nearby provinces were spared, those in Northern Luzon still got hit. The biggest lesson they learned was disaster preparedness. IMHO, it made a world of difference to those in the North. Gleaning from what happened in NCR, the local government units were ready for Typhoon “Pepeng” and their constituents, thankfully, were cooperative as well.

But are we really prepared for disasters on a massive scale? The pitiful number of rubber boats and emergency equipment and vehicles pro rata to the population of this country makes me wonder what the politicians do with their pork barrel. Typhoons will always be part of our landscape and they are inevitable. Think of how many rubber boats, amphibian vehicles etc. etc. that could have been bought with the money spent by our politicians on that elaborate dinner in New York! Disgusting! Perhaps it’s time to pray and then say to these disasters called politicians-”MOVE!” so that they would disappear?  Hmmm, I wonder…

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Yeah, I did. I missed the live chat at Pixel Canvas last Sunday. Actually, I missed both chats. I was just glued to the news since last Friday because I was monitoring my siblings in Meycauayan. I remember every time a storm would come, my dad would always ask me to check up on my siblings to see if they were already submerged in the floods since their area was always prone to flooding.

Last Saturday, I could almost see my dad telling me to check on my brother and sister so I texted them. True enough, my brother was stranded in BB in Karuhatan! The worst place to be stranded in IMHO. He told me he felt like crying and all he could do was pray. I told him to just stay put and find a place to stay overnight because there was no way for him to go home since it was flooded everywhere. Good thing he found a “motel” to stay in where a lot of other stranded folks spent the night as well. He actually slept on the floor! I also texted my sister and she told me that my niece had to brave the floods because the bus she was riding couldn’t go forward anymore. She had to walk for more than four hours just to get home. Funny girl told me that she made sure that her slippers were safe.

But the disasters are not over. Vietnam has just gone through the wrath of Ondoy (Ketsana). American Samoa had an est.magnitude 7++ earthquake and was hit by a tsunami as well. Indonesia has experienced a devastating earthquake  with an initial estimate of 500 people killed. A super typhoon is threatening the Philippines again. And the latest I have heard on the news is that, California has been hit by an earthquake as well.  What is happening is extremely disturbing. For those who cannot physically help in the stricken areas, I think the best help that can be done round the clock is to pray for now. Pray without ceasing. It transcends coastlines and oceans. So dear friends, let’s.

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On the heels of the revival of patriotism and love for country spurred by the passing of President Cory, the country faces another battle over the will of one and the will of the many. It is sad to note that the ongoing controversy between Malacañang and the members of the Arts community over the latest ‘National Artists’ recipients is tainted with politics and payback. I am not one of the experts who can claim to have the expertise in choosing who should or should not be proclaimed National Artist but as a parent raising children who might someday (who knows?) be qualified for that honor I would rather that it be bestowed upon them by those who are in the best position to give it to them. I would consider it an insult if it were granted to them on a silver platter without them truly deserving it.

For what does it profit a man if he gains the world and loses his soul instead?

As I watched the final funeral rites being given to President Cory yesterday I could not help but wonder at the outpouring of love and honor by people from all walks of life. Thousands upon thousands waited, stood in the rain to pay their last respects to her. It was spontaneous in the sense that this was not a “hakot” crowd. They were not programmed like “custom software” to behave a certain way, say the right words at the right time, to lift their hands and flash the L sign. They were not ordered to bring yellow posters, banners, balloons. Anonymous donors gave out bottled water and boiled eggs to those who wanted to get a last glimpse of her not because they wanted recognition but out of the generosity of their hearts and out of respect for the leader they loved.

Respect cannot be coerced. True honor when given is not mere lip service that can be cloaked by plaques, trophies or medals. It springs from the heart and is freely given much like the woman who broke the alabaster jar and poured it over the Master whom she so loved. The trophies, the medals, the public honor are just tangible representations of the inner reverence and recognition we accord to those who truly deserve it. Even a simple person can sense true honor versus mere flattery. Honor if forced, leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and is tainted with resentment.

I think one of the great legacies that President Cory has left us is her humility. It is to her credit that she leads and inspires so many without the fanfare and the propaganda. She lived not for the applause of men but for the applause of heaven… for an audience of One.

I heard someone say during one of the many speeches said at her wake that “there are many leaders who lead, but great leaders inspire“. In light of this current challenge re the ‘National Artist’ imbroglio, I watch on the sidelines to see if there are any great leaders among them. If there are any who live not just for the temporary honor that may be remembered by men but more so by heaven. I hope some if not all will rise to the call for greatness. Meanwhile, it is time to bow the head and bend the knees.

Let your voice be heard. I missed going to the streets during EDSA 1. I missed going to the streets yesterday again. The many gifts of EDSA and the restoration of democracy was the freedom to speak freely without fear of being arrested.  I will use this gift to speak here on my blog for the sake of my children and the generations after us. How about you? Share your thoughts and let your voice be heard.

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The past few days my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride. I have been quiet on this blog. The death of President Cory stirred up so many emotions I have tried to manage for the past two years. August 4 marks the second death anniversary of my father and I couldn’t help but go back to those moments while I was watching the necrological service of Tita Cory at the Manila Cathedral late this afternoon. The circumstances have been so similar it just brought me to tears. I am reminded of these two verses that somehow give me a glimpse of what still needs to be worked on in my own heart.

Genesis 32:28 (NIV 1984)

When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.”

2Corinthians 12:7 (NASB 1995)

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me– to keep me from exalting myself!

A broken spirit and a contrite heart, I know God will not despise and that is what He so desires. It is the best heart jewelry one can wear and worth more than all the jewels in the whole wide world. It is what pleases God. The question is, is pain necessary to achieve closeness to God? Is the path of sorrow and suffering the only way to be near God?  In my opinion, my answer would be yes. It is necessary.

We do not need Faith if we have the ability to do things on our own. It is the impossible that requires the divine to be employed. Faith is what moves the mountains of pain and suffering aside and parts the sea of sorrow so that we can take one more step closer to the promised land. Faith enables us to struggle and wrestle inspite of the thorns of imperfection and the flaws of our character. It is the adrenalin that pushes us forward to overcome all odds and step into victory. Without faith it is impossible to please God.

Unfortunately, this does not happen overnight. This is where patience comes in. Through plodding and perseverance. Mountain after mountain, valley after valley, struggle after struggle… day after day. Through faith and patience we will overcome. It has already been two years since I have started on this road of coping with the grief and pain because of my father’s death. I am reminded more so today because of President Cory’s death.

My father was working for the Marcos government during that time when the People Power Revolution happened. He was the Chief Engineer in charge of setting up the government transmitters all over the Philippines. How he got into government is a whole other story but I knew he was a man of integrity and uncorrupted by what was around him. He knew what was going on when the transmitters in Malolos were taken over by the military sympathetic to Cory. He told me how crucial communications and media were that’s why these were one of the first things that were taken over aside from power and transportation. He often told me inside stories about media and propaganda and the psy-war tactics that were being employed by both sides. Aside from being an employee of the government, he was also a son of Tacloban and a kababayan of Imelda Marcos. A lot of what I know about government and country I have learned through him. His love for country and integrity in fulfilling his duties have been imparted to me and have made me come to love this country as well.  This is his legacy to me. Every province where I see a government transmitter, I am reminded of him. It is a struggle to hold back my tears…to wish for him to still be here. It is a journey that anyone who has lost a loved one deals with everyday. And I guess a “thorn in the flesh” to ground us and remind us of our need for God each day.

Yet inspite the pain, the thought of knowing that the memories and the legacies of our loved ones will live on through us they have left behind, is an assurance that their lives are not in vain. Thank you Tita Cory for reminding me about my father once again. My father is not a well-known figure. He lived a simple quiet life. A life of faith. A life of patience. A life of forgiveness and generosity. A life that overcame self and became selfless for others. A life that mattered to me. A life I will remember always and will be grateful for forever.

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Thank you, Jan.

In loving memory of former President Corazon C. Aquino, I am encouraging the blogosphere to light a candle for her. Grab the image below, add your prayer for Mrs. Aquino and link up.

1. Bits & Pieces - Thank you Lord for giving President Aquino
the gift of life. It was a well-lived life as she
touched nations all over the world.
It must have been difficult for her
especially the last months of her life.
But everything is well now as she joins you.
May her family find comfort knowing that
she is now safe in your kingdom.

2. A Matter of tEys.T - Dear God, we share the grief and we identify
with their pain. No words can describe the loss and the
void one feels when you lose someone you love
and only You, O Lord can reach into the depths
of our hearts where no one can.
Comfort them, be with them, let the silence
speak gently of your peace. Wrap your arms around them, God.
Let them know that though the world may be a little dimmer this day,
the heavens are much brighter than yesterday. Shalom.

3. your blog here

I condole with the Aquino family at this time. Our family lost our dad on Aug. 4, 2007. Though it has been almost two years already, the pain is still there… I followed President Cory’s story in the news and saw and heard what was not said. I knew what went on behind the scenes even if  it was not reported. My father spent almost the same number of days at the hospital. My siblings and I had our share of hospital vigils. The stress, pain and fear of the unevitable loomed over us each day. The anguish when the expected finally came goes beyond words. The finality of the struggle became evident once we saw him in his coffin. I clung to the grace of God in the days that followed. I still do to this day. My selfishness wanted him alive. There were many what-ifs that followed but in the end I know God’s ways are higher. I see those reasons each day and I have to admit to myself, truly, God knows what is best.

Shalom!

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I had no intentions of being heroic but I literally did “stand in the gap” or was it “stand in the way” yesterday and it hurt like hell. We went to a children’s birthday party at Hotel Kimberly in Amadeo yesterday right after church and of course being a children’s birthday party, there were games… not just for the kids but for the mommies and daddies as well. The host called my name to join one of the games and I obliged. I’m normally a reluctant participant but I wanted to be a little “game” this time and so I did. It was a mini race where you had to circle a chair twice, write the word SOS with your butt and then pass on the hat to the next person. I did my part as fast as I could and as the last person turned the corner to run to the finish line I saw her body headed for a fall. Being a dancer, I instinctively recognized that her body was going to crash into the tiled floor and she was going to get hurt pretty bad. So I poised myself to catch her. Unfortunately, the force of her fall was so strong we both crashed on the floor with me hitting my tailbone so hard I was stunned and couldn’t get up. I remember something hitting my cheekbone as well so hard I was in a daze for a few seconds. The first thing that crossed my mind when I was down on the floor was “Oh no! I might not be able to dance tomorrow!” The people around us tried to carry us up. I was disoriented but walked to my seat as if nothing had happened but I felt everything as I sat down. The hubby tried to do TKM (The King’s Method) on me and it did relieve me but it made me want to close my eyes and just sleep. I was scared to fall asleep because I feared that I wouldn’t wake up. My kids were so surprised and couldn’t believe I did what I did. They had mixed feelings of anger and concern… anger at the person who crashed into me and concern for my well-being as well. That made me think hard. I needed to teach them something. They needed to know why I did what I did.

I had one of those “my life flashed before my eyes moments” and “what is the purpose of my life conversations with myself” running through my brain as I was trying to find a little relief from the waves of pain and disorientation. The hubby who’s been studying on kinesthetics and all that dance physiology blah-blah-blah assured me that my tailbone was the location of hundreds of nerves that’s why I was feeling that way and it had just gone thru trauma so it was normal for me to feel that way. I was having a spiritual moment on the other hand. LOL

These are some of the things I learned, realized and remembered all at once:

New International Version (©1984)
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

another version says this:

Bible in Basic English
That I may have knowledge of him, and of the power of his coming back from the dead, and a part with him in his pains, becoming like him in his death;

Sometimes, it’s the painful times, the seasons of hardships and the difficult moments that yield more insight into another person’s life. These times create deeper bonds, deeper friendships that transcend time. They give us a peek into the other person’s heart and soul. We all have friends but those who share their most intimate thoughts and share their deepest pains with us are those who regard us as true friends. We end up “knowing” them beyond words. This incident has made me “know” God more and has made me appreciate and love Him more. It allowed me to peek into His heart and understand why He did what He did for all of us.  I know now that I am His friend.

Have a wonderful week, everyone!

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My kids were arguing with each other about some ridiculous nitpicky thing at breakfast today and it was getting out of hand. I sort of blew my fuse and put my foot down. I told them they had to write down 100 things to be grateful for and 100 things they were not happy about.  Halfway into it, my son told me that one whole sheet of paper was not enough to fit all that. He had written the things he was grateful for on one side and on the other, the ones he was not.

I thought it was a perfect teachable moment for him to choose how to view life. We all have our daily struggles in life, the weight of which depends relatively on how we see them. This is not to say that our struggles are negligible and the pain is not valid. I would surmise to think that it depends on how you see the big picture.

At this point, I told my son that this was what I wanted him to know. I told him that he could view life either half-empty and look at all the bad things, or he could also look at life half-full, where life is full of possibilities and hope. Even before I could finish my point he said it was just like being Squidward. I said yes. By this time he had already written down so many things to be grateful for and the argument at breakfast was a thing of the past. He had gone off to play with his sister again. Intermittently, they come back hugging me, giving me little “I love you, mom” notes and scribbles seemingly content with their little lives.

How about you, which Bikini Bottom character are you? Sponge Bob, Squidward or Patrick?

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Just popping in to say that we are about to have one hectic week ahead. Kids recovering from sudden cough and colds due to the erratic weather, a death in the family, visiting grandparents from Davao, visiting family relatives from Cebu, a just concluded summer dance workshop in Sta. Rosa, an unfinished article, layouts to finish, a costume to paint, a surprise party for a dear, dear person, technical dress rehearsals and a photoshoot, of course the first two-day Noah’s Ark ballet recital of my kids at the CCP no less, costumes and makeup to attend to and would you believe after 10+++ years of not dancing, I and a few of my dance ministry friends will brave a dance for a friend’s birthday…. whew, are you still breathing while reading all this?  All of that in 7 days!!! I feel like I’m riding a tiny little scooter and am about to have a head on collision with a ten-wheeler truck in the middle of the freeway! Get me an Oakland motorcycle accident lawyer, pronto!

With a gazillion more things I might forget, I know that God’s grace is sufficient for me. To my mind, I need buckets and buckets of it but it is amazing how He can quiet down your soul and order your world if you let Him. I heard someone say this long ago ” I have too much to do today, I think I need to spend more time praying.” And so I shall.

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I had a wonderful mommy moment with my son tonight. He’s slowly growing up into a fine young man and I’m so happy to say that I’ve witnessed up to this very moment every step of his journey. I’ve been there from day one and will continue to be there until the homerun. I am not a perfect mom, I’ve had my bad hair days and my “alto soprano” moments and many times I question myself whether I “get in the way” of what God wants for my children. I used to think that I was a patient person, tolerant and not easy to anger - I thought too highly of myself and my journey as a mom for more than nine years has truly  convinced me that I am not. :)  But by the grace of God I have learned to move according to the measure of grace that He gives me in each and every circumstance.

Why was tonight special? Well, perhaps it’s because I was able to reach my son’s heart and help him to understand that life’s obstacles are not hindrances but God’s way of forging character and fortitude into our souls. I am reminded of a blacksmith pounding away at a red hot piece of metal on a heavy anvil and how each time the mallet hits the hot metal, it slowly transforms it into the shape that he envisioned the metal to be. I saw this in my son tonight - (btw, he’s only nine years old). God was the blacksmith, my son was the metal and I was the heavy mallet that became the dreaded instrument of torment, er I mean transformation.

At first, it was a struggle of the wills - him succumbing to self-pity and condemnation and I, the imperialistic queen dispensing the law upon him. But I am no queen… I am his mother and I saw that divine opportunity to speak into his life. To lift him up from where he was wallowing and impart destiny into his soul. What joy it was to see him step out of his self-centered world and into an awareness of the world around him where his greater destiny lies.  It was a priceless moment. I don’t want to forget it - hence this post. 

Sometimes the pain of discipline (not necessarily physical) can blur the lines of love and acceptance and distort it into separation and rejection. When that distortion happens, the one who delivers the discipline may be perceived as unloving and uncaring. I believe as a parent, one needs to address those doubts immediately and reassure the child that it is the behavior that is being corrected and not the person being rejected. What do you give a child who misbehaves? Give them a “sandwich”! Yup, a “sandwich”. You give them the “big fat juicy discipline” between two buns of praise and acceptance. A word of encouragement right before the correction and a word of acceptance right after the correction. A sandwich, right? 

Well, my sandwiches aren’t perfect all the time but I try to arrest those “self-pity party” moments when I sense them rising up in my children. I always assure them that my love for them is unconditional and is never based on how “good” they are. That is not to say that they will not be corrected when they misbehave.  But good or bad behavior is not the criterion for my love for them. I hope that when they grow older there will come a time that they will see that side of the picture as well.

I love them dearly and I thank God that they have made my life so much richer in every way imaginable. I will be forever grateful to God and to them for giving me a chance to know and experience the reality that children are indeed precious, priceless gifts from above.

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I read this via a homeschooling site and I want to share it to you straight from the source right here: http://www.freshbrewedlife.com/cd_69.aspx . It’s an excerpt from a book by Nicole Johnson entitled “The Invisible Woman“.   I seldom post stuff like this but i think it’s worth the read … really.  Besides, I think it’s in keeping with my little motto up there in my header. Thank you, Nicole for sharing this excerpt to inspire us.

Excerpt By Nicole Johnson

It started to happen gradually…
    One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, “Who is that with you, young fella?”
    “Nobody,” he shrugged.
    Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only five, but as we crossed the street I thought, oh my goodness, nobody?
    I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family, like “Turn the TV down, please.” And nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, “Would someone turn the TV down?” Nothing.
    Just the other night my husband and I were out to a party. We’d been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, “I’m ready to go when you are.” He just kept right on talking.
    That’s when I started putting all the pieces together. I don’t think he can see me. I don’t think anyone can see me. 
    I’m invisible.
    It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Obviously not. No one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
    I’m invisible.
    Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more.
    Can you fix this?
    Can you tie this?
    Can you open this?
    Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being.
    I’m a clock to ask, “What time is it?”
    I’m a satellite guide to answer, “What number is the Disney Channel?”
    I’m a car to order, “Right around 5:30, please.” 
    I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude – but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
    She’s going…she’s going…she’s gone!
    One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out of style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped
package and said, “I brought you this.” 

    It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription. “To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.”
    In the days ahead I would read, no, devour, the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I would pattern my work:

•    No one can say who built the great Cathedrals—we have no record of their names.
•    These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
•    They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
•    The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

    A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, “Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.”
    And the workman replied, “Because God sees.”
    I closed the book, feeling the missing piece just push into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, “I see you Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one else does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.”
    At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn, pride.     
    I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who will show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
    When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, “My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.” That would mean I’d built a shrine or monument to myself. I just want him to come home. And then if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, “You’re gonna love it here.”
    As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

I think this is one of the most encouraging articles I have read that’s why I am sharing it here as well with all due credit to Ms. Nicole Johnson. No amount of home insurance, financial stability or social recognition can reach deep down and give us that security we need about ourselves.  The affirmation and the self-worth that we all crave and long for can only be found in that quiet place of rest; that place where you are safe and secure in the unconditional love and acceptance of God - unshaken by the pull to be someone other than who you are. I know this place - I’ve been there… it is my place of refuge… my hiding place.

How about you? Are you invisible?

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Ballet is one of my all-time loves. I’m no longer in it as a dancer but it still is very much a part of what I do and who I am and I think I might have imparted this ‘addiction’ to my little girl. Of course like most little girls who love pink and purple, she loves anything and everything ballet. Hopefully, when the time is right we can be able to send her to a ballet school one of these days. Earlier this year, a friend of mine who owns her own ballet school and teaches in several schools as well had a despedida for one of her dancers - Sarah J. Lee. We sent her off to New York to audition for the top ballet schools in the Big Apple. She auditioned for NYCB, ABT and Joffrey Ballet and she passed them all but she settled for Joffrey Ballet School in the end because she was granted a full scholarship with them. We are so proud of her achievements.  

Hopefully, when my little girl reaches Sarah’s age and she is still determined to pursue this path, dh and I would be able to uproot ourselves from wherever we are, transplant our whole family and get those New York movers to help us settle us somewhere in the City that doesn’t sleep for the sake of a little girl’s dream. 

Sarah’s (kneeling, bottom row, right) piece for the NAMCYA competition last year was as Odette from Swan Lake.

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coffee break ver. 1.9 

It’s kinda difficult to write about kindness after disciplining your child which is what happened just a few minutes ago. It isn’t the happiest place to be in, for me as a parent or for my child. That’s why it is important to make sure that there is a restoration and a reaffirming of relations between parent and child immediately after. It is in this safe haven that the child learns to mirror forgiveness and acceptance. This is where kindness is imparted.

I am reminded of a song that I learned several years ago, the lyrics go “It’s your kindness that leads us to repentance O, Lord. Knowing that you love us, no matter what we do, makes us want to love you too.” I have found these words so true in my own life and something I want in my relationship with my children. I have found that harsh, judgmental discipline did so little to change me. It only made my heart hard and distant. External compliance does not translate to internal obedience. It’s only when kind and tender words of genuine love and concern are spoken that one’s heart becomes more open to correction and where walls of defense break down.

I try to remember moments when I have been given mercy when I discipline my kids. Of course I want them to know justice… that there is a consequence for wrongdoing. One cannot know and fully appreciate the kindness of God if one does not have a full understanding of His justice.  I want them to experience mercy… to receive acceptance and forgiveness even if it is not deserved. The kindness of God. 

It is difficult to give something that you do not have.  I have abundantly received this over and over again … this divine act of KINDNESS…  from a  God who exacts justice but instead dispensed mercy to a wretch like me. With His help, I hope that I may be able to mirror Him to them. And if ever there are times that I don’t, I trust in His mercy towards me as well.

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